This is a complex subject, as I’m sure you’ve come to appreciate at this point. Clearly a complete guide to understanding the chemical, physical, the emotional aspects of love may be out of reach for scholars for the foreseeable future. To tackle such an endeavor is poetically flawed.
What is more appreciated, and more valuable to us, is to understand some key concepts about love. It is unpopular in this politically correct society to hint at the idea that men and women are in any way different. To even point to studies showing different brain chemistry or mindset will get you excommunicated on mainstream media. But we know, even instinctively, that men and women do not think the same. We do not process information the same, feel the same, or even have the same definitions of emotions.
A popular series of posts on the differences of love is
Men value love, women love value.
The unfortunate truth is that women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.
And this is a bitter pill to swallow, a harsh truth that you must either accept, or embrace a false reality in rampant denial. It is the inverse that remains true as well, understanding that our minds are indeed different, women cannot perceive how mens’ minds work, how he wants to be loved. The man wishes for his “Disney-like” romance, to have an unconditional love that lasts through sickness and health.
The idea is that this idealized love is an artifact from our earliest feminized conditioning. It’s much healthier to just accept that it isn’t possible for her to love you that way. Your relationships will be based on unattainable values if you project your thoughts of love onto your partner.
When a woman says “I love you”, what she means is “I need you”. At any time, if that NEED vaporizes (you become incapable of providing, she find a better provider, you become injured and unable to work, she wants a baby and you find you are infertile, etc), she will be gone with the first puff of wind.
When a man says “I love you”, he means “I am firmly committed to you”.
That’s why about 75-80% of divorces are initiated by the wife.
A woman’s love is contingent upon our capacity as men to maintain that love.
It is maintaining this love in the face of a woman’s plethora of other male partner choices that provides the closest thing to loyalty that one can have in a relationship. Her opportunity to attract others, (and the quality of these people), dictates whom she loves, whom she “settles down” for. It is with that in mind that we have evidence for how nature has progressed up until recently, with a male dominated society.
Remember how to properly translate her words. I would like to be loved. Don’t take it to mean anything other than “I need you right now”. Their love IS their need.
Women are incapable of loving you the way you love them, it’s simply not in their biology. Nature played this cruel joke on us as a way of ensuring men had both the rampant sex drive to force competitive breeding and the tendency to provide for the women and her child.
Most men need to stop and think about where these instincts were developed. Whenever a human female gets pregnant, its a very long and dangerous event loaded with a very real possibility she will die. The latter part of the nine month gestation period has her severely handicapped, the birth itself is messy as there wasn’t any sterile environments in our distance past. The women would lay down and shit out a bloody baby that was little more then a parasite for another four or five years. They needed male assistance to survive and nature answered by giving men this weakness.
So whenever we feel “love” we need to remember it’s natures way of trying to get us to provide for women and children. Not a bad thing if it’s our progeny and we have emotional control over the women, but it can give birth to romantic delusions of grandeur. People need to stop blaming women for nature.
“Men have been, and should be, the more dominant gender, not because of some imagined divine right or physical prowess, but because on some rudimentary psychological level we ought to realized that a woman’s love is contingent upon our capacity to maintain that love.” (quote)
Men are the romantics forced to be the realists, while women are realists using romance as a tool.
Love for the sexes is different. One version of love is not more correct than the other, they are just different. Two pieces of the puzzle that come together to form something.