The following post is an amalgamation of several long journeys and sleepless nights from philosophers everywhere and inspired directly from a post by Jake from cedonulli. His post however, is painful to read with an unexplained lack of capitalization.
Most of the relationship advice online is based on the concept of getting that initial “game” down. The focus is on picking up chicks for the night rather than maintaining any sort of relationship. If that is your interest, you have to jump right into, (the mostly incorrect), books on marriage. And nobody wants that.
First type of love…
It’s simple though, it comes down to the physical and the emotional connection. You’ve got the physical down probably, and if you don’t there are other articles here. The part that most people I run into are missing is the the emotional connection part. And it’s the reason most relationships suck. Let’s take a quote right from Jake and see some the types of emotional connections that men are seeking:
- Emotional validation
- “Trust” in your partner
- Support from your partner
- “Unconditional love” “As you are” from your partner
- Seeking approval from your partner
It’s simple enough in this example, we are wired to have emotional connections to the opposite sex. But how does this programming work?
There are only two types of love mens’ brains are wired for…
The first is the love you, (most likely got, or wished to get), got from your mother as a child. That kind of emotional support is what many men are looking for in their partners. Look at the points above. What kind of love is that? Look at it objectively. That’s how most men view love. It’s not a conscious thought, but it’s the love they were exposed to as a child.
Freud is having a field day with this whole concept…
Pro Tip: No girl will ever love you like your mom did. You will never be on the receiving end of “unconditional” love.
So the other type of love?
The second type of love from father to daughter. And before you think anything else, let’s remove all the incestuous, sexualized, and the rest of whatever weird bit of whatever your mind is thinking. Let’s just look at the emotional connections that a father gives to his daughter:
- Giving emotional validation
- Rationing Trust
- Providing support
- Molding her in his image
- Giving approval, as long as the action is positive
Compare these components with the ones above, do you see a difference in mindset?
Forget everything about the family dynamic for a second, look at the giving and taking ratios. Look at where the support comes from!
There is always support in a relationship, the question is, who is giving it? If you don’t agree that YOU are the one that needs to give, that needs to lead, let me ask if this has ever happened to you:
“What do you want to eat?”
There is no other wiring in the brain to support a third dynamic. It’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating and building the love you would get from your offspring. Relationships are not an endless spring of emotional support, they do not produce it. A relationship CONSUMES emotional support like fuel. You would not expect your car to produce it’s own gasoline while it drives along.
Every pop-science theme in the relationship fits into this model of emotional connections. The whole concept of a “beta male” is evident in how men deal with women whom they want maternal love from. They are seeking approval, expecting this endless supply of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. And let’s see how that turns out… Yep. Badly. Realizing that means having to come to terms with an inconvenient truth.
Conversely, relationships work suddenly well you treat a girl not like someone that you look up to and seek validation from, but someone whom, (together), you nurture and raise.
(And before tumblr screams MISOGYNY!, it’s a mutual nurturing. Both the man and the woman grow each other into their own ideal mate)